The Permission to Be Selfish
For men, taking time for yourself can feel like a betrayal. KW Wellness leader Josh Johnson — entrepreneur, new dad, and retreat facilitator — explores why the hardest thing men can do is also the most necessary.
The Permission to Be Selfish
On Men's Emotional Wellbeing, the Guilt of Self-Care, and What It Really Means to Show Up for Others
A conversation with KW Wellness founder Kimberly Guiry and KW Wellness leader Josh Johnson
There's a word that makes a lot of men uncomfortable: selfish.
For Josh Johnson — KW Wellness leader, retreat facilitator, entrepreneur, and new dad — it's a word he's learned to own.
"I always say I'm really selfish," Josh says with a laugh. "Because these activities and experiences are really… I need them more than the people that are coming."
For many men, that sentence would be impossible to say out loud. The admission that you need something. That the retreat isn't just for others. That the morning walk, the breathwork, the quiet — you're not doing it for productivity. You're doing it because without it, something in you starts to break down.
That's not selfishness. That's self-preservation. And Josh has spent years trying to give men permission to feel the difference.
The Weight Men Carry Alone
There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from being the one who's supposed to hold it together.
"You've got to put the roof over the head. You've got the structure. That part of things." Josh pauses. "I think that sometimes gets really overwhelming and unbearable. And I think it leads to all sorts of different mental, physical, spiritual problems. And sad things."
The "sad things" he's referring to — he doesn't name them directly, and he doesn't have to. Men in high-pressure careers face disproportionate rates of burnout, substance use, and suicide. The real estate industry, with its financial volatility and identity tied to performance, is not insulated from that reality.
What makes it worse is the silence around it.
"Whatever you're experiencing, you just shove it down and grin and bear it," Josh says. "That's kind of the default."
1 in 4. 15%. The Loneliness Numbers.
Kimberly cites a statistic that lands quietly but heavily:
Approximately 1 in 4 men under 35 in the United States report high daily loneliness. And some studies suggest 15% of men have zero close friends.
Not few close friends. Zero.
"When I heard that," Josh says, "I mean... yeah. I'm not surprised. But it's still hard to sit with."
He sees it in the men he works with — not as dramatic isolation, but as a slow drift. The friend group that fades after marriage. The colleagues who stay surface-level. The culture that rewards stoicism and quietly punishes emotional honesty.
"Men are isolating. And they're reaching for outlets that don't necessarily feed them for the long run. Habits, addictions — things that put a band-aid on it without connecting to what the underlying issue actually is."
The Guilt That Gets in the Way
One of the most consistent patterns Josh observes in the men he coaches is guilt — not around big decisions, but around the small ones.
"I really want to come on this retreat, but I feel like I need to make sure everything's taken care of at home first. I almost feel guilty like I shouldn't be doing it."
The morning workout. The walk without his phone. The hour of quiet before the family wakes up. For many men, even these small acts of self-care carry a weight of wrongness — like they're stealing time from someone who deserves it more.
"There's a pressure where men can't feel good unplugging," Josh says. "Can't feel good taking the time for themselves."
Kimberly reframes it directly: "I am selfish. I take a selfish approach to the morning. It is me before we. If I'm not whole and prepared, how can I be ready to serve anyone else? How can I give what I don't have?"
Another word she offers: self-preservation.
Not indulgence. Not escape. The basic act of maintaining yourself so you have something to offer.
What Changes When You Show Up for Yourself
Josh didn't develop his practices as a wellness experiment. He developed them because without them, he noticed himself eroding.
"I felt like a crazy person if I wasn't balanced," he says simply.
And when he started showing up for himself — consistently, intentionally — something unexpected happened. The people around him changed. Not because he'd worked on them, but because he had changed.
"I felt like my heart kind of opened. I was running at my highest vibration or frequency. And I started to see I was affecting those around me in a positive and loving way — my family, my partner, my friends, my clients."
The more balanced he was, the greater asset he became. To everyone.
"The byproduct is how much better of a human being, a father, a partner, a business person you are when you're taking that time for you."
This is the argument Josh makes — not from self-help language, but from lived experience: selfish and selfless are not opposites. They're a cycle. You can't sustain the second without the first.
What Men Actually Need: Community and Witness
The loneliness crisis among men isn't just about friendship. It's about the absence of witness — someone who sees you, not your performance.
Josh has built his retreat and community work around that specific need. Not fixing. Not solving. Just providing a space where men can show up as they are.
"You can show up as you are. There's no specific protocol. It's just people that want to show up and do the work to better themselves."
What happens in those spaces often surprises the men who attend them.
"To have another man that you can put your arm around or share a tear with — that's so essential to our human journey. We need each other. Seeing that you're not the only one — that alone is such a healing and powerful thing."
Vulnerability, he says, isn't the opposite of strength. For men, especially, it might be the most courageous thing available.
The Identity Beneath the Role
For many men in real estate, identity and production have become the same thing. A good quarter feels like a good person. A slow market feels like a personal failing.
Josh's work — in coaching, in retreats, in community — is fundamentally about separating those two things. Helping men find the person underneath the role.
"My M.O. in life is unconditional love for every human being on this planet," he says. "That's really what I'm striving for in myself. And I think that anybody that reaches out to me is going to feel that energy."
He wants to see people living their best lives. Not performing their best lives. Living them.
"The space will always be safe. I want to provide that beautiful, loving, third-party perspective. I want to see people reach their highest potential."
A Different Kind of Strength
The conversation between Kimberly and Josh returns, again and again, to a simple idea:
The men who take care of themselves are the men who take care of everyone else better.
Not despite their self-care. Because of it.
"When you focus on what you can control," Kimberly says, "things start to change."
For Josh, that started with a morning walk. A meditation by the creek. The decision — made quietly, repeatedly — to treat his own wellbeing as non-negotiable.
Not because he had it all figured out.
Because he'd learned what happened when he didn't.
Josh Johnson is a KW Wellness leader, men's health advocate, and retreat facilitator. He leads the monthly KW Men's Health virtual series and creates spaces for men to connect, reflect, and grow.
To connect with Josh or learn about upcoming sessions, visit the KW Wellness Events page.